Reflecting On Resilience ... blog by Shelley Carppe

This Is Me - Raw, Real, and Reflecting on Resilience. 

I'm an optimist. You will mostly see me searching for silver linings, finding the message in the madness, laughing at my troubles, and drinking from a cup half full.

I preach and teach the importance of raising resilient kids - that life will knock them down, that's normal, and they need to have the strength and skills to get back up again.

Well I've had to practice what I preach in the last ten days, as I've been visiting and caring for my Mum, whose health is declining and will continue to do so, and Dad, who is trying his best to support her with deep and unconditional love, while himself recovering from an operation and awaiting a double knee replacement.

I have surely focussed on the silver linings - the ability to spend quality time with them, being able to use humour to lighten the load, long and precious hugs, short and beautiful walks with Mum looking at flowers and listening to birds sing in the trees, and reconnecting with other family members.

But what has REALLY got me through, what gave me strength when I needed it the most, what either banished the tears when they were inappropriate or allowed me to let them flow freely, was love.

Love in the form of beautiful, supportive friends, love from my precious children, and from my rock, my husband. Hugs, random messages, phone calls, offers of help - a multitude of connections, letting me know I wasn't alone, and often coming when I was at my lowest.

Some people said or did exactly the right thing.  Some didn't know what to do or say. Some just held me, while saying nothing. And each one of them wrapped me in love, strengthening my resilience, and sharing my hurt.

If your teenager or someone you love is struggling, remember that you don't need to have the answers (sometimes, there are none). You don't have to say the right thing, you don't have to make grand gestures.

Just reach out, make the connection, let them know you are there, and that you love them.

Because, where there is no answer, there is love. And love is everything.

PS: Leaving them and flying home was the hardest thing of all. On the first flight, I sat next to woman, a stranger, who has recently been through the same thing with her mother in law. She gave me advice, resources, tips, and told me not to hold guilt for leaving (I needed to hear that).

On the second flight, I had two seats to myself, and was able to let the tears flow freely (although I wouldn't necessarily recommend that with a mask on!).  Both flights were therapeutic, for different reasons, and exactly what I needed.

So, thanks goes to not only my friends and family, but also to the angels who watch over me, who know what I need, and deliver it time and time again, my grandparents. xx