The Ultimate Solution To Sibling Rivalry ... a blog by Shelley Carppe

Problem: Sibling Rivalry

Solution:  Only have one child.

Oh. Too late? Then unfortunately, there is no easy solution. Siblings are going to fight, but the news is not all bad, despite the fact that it drives a fair amount of parents to distraction on the days your adolescents can't seem to look, touch, or be in the same room as each other without kicking off.

On the plus side, there are benefits to their arguments - they are learning conflict resolution, which will have benefits in future relationships of all kinds. If the conflict resolution goes well, they are learning negotiation, empathy, and tolerance.

So how do we help them solve their differences without Armageddon breaking out? 

1:  We model good conflict resolution skills - they learn more from watching us than from lectures we may give them. Things like keeping calm, resisting the urge to name call or degrade, and saying "I feel" rather than "you make me feel"

2:  As long as they are within the realms of acceptable behaviour (no physical assault or unacceptable language), try not to intervene or mediate - the mediator never wins, because someone will always judge their actions as unfair!

3:  Sometimes, they just need to be separated to cool down. Once they are calm, bring them back together. Hold them JOINTLY responsible for the argument (because it takes two!), and try to get them to resolve it themselves - listen to BOTH of their points of view, and then ask them to suggest solutions.

Sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up. As long as your children can be good friends and good enemies, that's healthy. If they only feel animosity towards each other, that's the real problem, and needs addressing. 

One sure fire way to stop my younger teens from arguing was to sit each of them on opposite ends of the couch, and tell them they couldn't get up until the other said they could. They started out sulking and determined, but generally ended up laughing and releasing each other, with the argument forgotten. Here are some some other creative ways to stop your teens/tweens from fighting:
11 Sure-Fire Ways to Stop Sibling Fighting and to Encourage Kids to Get Along (happyhooligans.ca) - I'm not sure these would work with older teens, but it would still be fun trying!

For more ideas, tips, advice and support, join our Facebook Group "Raising Teens".