Listening, Loving, and Loss ... A Blog By Shelley Carppe

Listening, Loving, and Loss ...

"Being heard is so close to being loved that to the average person, they are almost indistinguishable". 
David W Augsburger

A New Year is always a time of reflection for me, and when I read this quote it made me think in particular of three people, who have unfortunately all left this world now.  The first two are my grandparents, who always listened and made me feel so special. I could turn up at their house any time of the day, unannounced, and their faces would break into huge smiles as they welcomed me with hugs (and food!).  I could even wake Nana from her afternoon nap and she would smile as though she had been just waiting for me. They couldn't hear enough about what was going on in my life, how work was going, and later, what each of my children were up to.  The depth of their love shone through in everything they did for me, but most of all, in how they would welcome me into their home and listen, endlessly, to whatever it was I had to say.

The third person is a work colleague, who passed away suddenly and unexpectedly a few years ago. His death hit me hard, which to be honest took me a little by surprise - we didn't really socialize much out of work, my husband and I had never been to his house, and apart from the odd get together with other colleagues we really only saw each other at work. Along with processing my grief after he passed, I was left pondering the depth of my sadness.  It took me some time to realise that Steve was one of those rare and special people who could make you feel like you were the most important person in the room. Regardless of the situation, when you talked, Steve listened. He gave you his full attention, he didn't interrupt, and often he would take his time replying, as though your words deserved a carefully thought through response.  Steve gave me the gift of truly listening - and I hadn't really appreciated it until he was gone.

Don't underestimate how powerful active listening can be - next time your teen or tween wants to talk, give them the gift of listening - it's free, and it's an amazing way of making the recipient feel special and important and loved.  

Sometimes, when I'm struggling with that, I think of how I'd like to be remembered - and why these three people made such an impact on my life.